Under Pressure

Here is my story. My husband is Thai and we have a 3 year old daughter. His visa was refused so I gave birth alone the whole experience was very stressful and depressing. I was kept in due to lack of fetal movement and I was the only woman on my ward who was alone whilst everyone else had the partner around them to support and worry with them. It was a very dark time and I felt like everyone was judging me – why was she alone? Where is the dad?

My daughter’s birth was straight forward and as any woman’s knows you just want it to be over. The worst part was after seeing all the happy family’s seeing what I couldn’t have. I will never forget Face Timing my husband so he could see his first born. He just cried because he couldn’t hold her.

After that I suffered postnatal depression and so did he but I kept mine secret as my situation was already complicated and I didn’t want the Heath visitor to judge. There have been so many heartbreaking moments – when my daughter was 6 months we went to see her dad and she was terrified because he was practically a stranger. However as she gets older it only gets harder as she cries every time she says goodbye. She asks constantly where her daddy is and often cries at night wanting cuddles. He has missed every milestone and I’m practically a single mum. It’s so inhuman to keep a father and daughter separated over money. I would do anything for us to be a regular family.